Now it has been 4 years and 3 months since I lost Jonah. Lot's of healing has occurred. Time really does heal. But what time cannot do is take away the scars. It was crushing to me to loose 2 babies a year apart. When I lost Faith in 1991 I had peace because I had a 5 month old baby, and Faith was a sweet surprise. But I had such a spiritual experience as she left this world, I was okay. The last two were the hardest, because they were both deeply wanted and prayed for. The hardest blow was losing Jonah. I knew when the Dr.s office said we lost the heartbeat, my dream was over. I had been fighting advanced maternal age....there was no more time. The timer went off and my biological clock called it quits...long before I safely delivered the one last child I deeply desired. I had a rough few years and found multiple ways to heal. But always feel a twinge when I see a mother nursing a child, a healthy round belly growing on a young mother, or walking by the baby isle and smelling sweet baby powder. I left it open to mother nature after that...but no baby.....now I am closer to being a grandmother...but nowhere near ready for that new adventure. Actually one thing that is amazing is the strength I have gained and the empathy for mothers who suffer loss. That's why every October I honor with women everywhere those precious, short lives. And if my daughter ever needs me if she finds herself in my shoes, she will know...I really do know how to comfort her. So how am I now? Getting stronger...and that is what counts.