"About every true mother there is a sancity of martyrdom-
and when she is no more in the body, her children see her with
the ring of light around her head."

Godey's Lady's Book, 1867

THE ART OF DOMESTIC BLISS a time lacking in certainty and filled with anguish and despair, no woman should be shamefaced in attempting to give back to the world, through her work, a portion of it's lost heart. -Louise Bogan
“And there are my children!
My darling, precious children!
For their sakes I am continually constrained
to seek after an amended, a sanctified life;
what I want them to become
I must become myself”.

~ Elizabeth Prentiss, Stepping Heavenward

Saturday, October 4, 2014

October 4 Day : 4 Now

Day : 4 Now
Now it has been 4 years and 3 months since I lost Jonah. Lot's of healing has occurred. Time really does heal. But what time cannot do is take away the scars. It was crushing to me to loose 2 babies a year apart. When I lost Faith in 1991 I had peace because I had a 5 month old baby, and Faith was a sweet surprise. But I had such a spiritual experience as she left this world, I was okay. The last two were the hardest, because they were both deeply wanted and prayed for. The hardest blow was losing Jonah. I knew when the Dr.s office said we lost the heartbeat, my dream was over. I had been fighting advanced maternal age....there was no more time. The timer went off and my biological clock called it quits...long before I safely delivered the one last child I deeply desired. I had a rough few years and found multiple ways to heal. But always feel a twinge when I see a mother nursing a child, a healthy round belly growing on a young mother, or walking by the baby isle and smelling sweet baby powder. I left it open to mother nature after that...but no I am closer to being a grandmother...but nowhere near ready for that new adventure. Actually one thing that is amazing is the strength I have gained and the empathy for mothers who suffer loss. That's why every October I honor with women everywhere those precious, short lives. And if my daughter ever needs me if she finds herself in my shoes, she will know...I really do know how to comfort her. So how am I now? Getting stronger...and that is what counts.

Friday, October 3, 2014

October 3 Day 3: Before

Capture Your Grief
Day 3: Before

{Full Project Details -

Before I lost you, the world was full of possibilities, A new life to birth, a new child to cherish.Baby shopping had commenced, Hopes were high. I was innocent to the pain I would soon feel. The optimistic, joyful naivete hope and attitude in life I had enjoyed was soon to change....into what?....that is the question for another day.But I was never the same. I will Cherish our short time together, your heartbeat fluttering below mine. Our souls enter-twined, and beautiful as a butterfly.A butterfly has such a short life span, but like you my sweet still touches lives and is never forgotten.

October 2 Day: 2 Heart

Day 2 Heart

In 1991 I carried faith's heart for a beautiful 3 months, I was given a spiritual blessing that she was too pure for this world. Her spirit visited my husband at work, he knew she passed before I did. He called to tell me.
In 2009 3 days before I borded a plane to a wedding in Cabo Mexico, I was awoken by stabbing pain and ran to my restroom where my darling Landon left this world, and left me in a puddle of blood and sorrow. Placenta Failure to Develop was the lab report. My life in total shambles I flew to Mexico and felt the healing sun and sand, a grace from God. His timing was right, even if no time is right to loose a child.
In 2010 My miracle began, God heard my prayer, and I carried sweet Jonah. Every day was a gift, his soul next to my heart. I saw his beautiful heartbeat fluttering on the ultrasound. All was good, until one afternoon I sat straight up in bed during a nap, I felt his soul exit my body. I just cried. I waited patiently for another Ultrasound....only to confirm we lost his heartbeat. The most soul melting words rushed over my being. This is what I call ugly pain, I carried him 2 more weeks. But all of their hearts are in my heart forever.

October 1st Day 1: Sunrise

Day 1 Sunrise 7:21 a.m.
Alderman Ford Park, Florida

Morning Dawns,
Memories are bittersweet,
Of love, of loss,
Of babies hearbeats.

Beautiful project for Preganacy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

I am taking part in "Capture Your Grief", For any of my friends out there who have experienced a pregnancy LOSS or loss of a child, I wanted to share this healing, memorial, event. October 15th Is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Memorial Day. I think this month is perfect for this beautiful project.

An Island of Security....A Mother at Home

Very largely does the wife hold in her hands, as a sacred trust, the happiness and the highest good of the hearts that nestle there. In the last analysis, home happiness depends on the wife.
  • Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere.
  • Her hands fashion its beauty.
  • Her heart makes its love.
And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, that no woman who has been called to be a wife, and has listened to the call, should consider any price too great to pay, to be . . .

the light,
the joy,
the blessing,
the inspiration,
of a home.

The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with love and prayer and purity, is doing something better than anything else her hands could find to do beneath the skies.

A true mother is one of the holiest secrets of home happiness.

God sends many beautiful things to this world,

many noble gifts;

but no blessing is richer than that which He bestows

in a mother

who has learned love's lessons well,

and has realized something of the meaning

of her sacred calling.

~ J. R. Miller, "Secrets of Happy Home Life, 1894" ~