#captureyourgrief
#healyourheart
#pregnancyandinfantlossawarenessmonth
Now it has been 4 years and 3 months since I lost Jonah. Lot's of
healing has occurred. Time really does heal. But what time cannot do is
take away the scars. It was crushing to me to loose 2 babies a year
apart. When I lost Faith in 1991 I had peace because I had a 5 month old
baby, and Faith was a sweet surprise. But I had such a spiritual
experience as she left this world, I was okay. The last two were the
hardest, because they were both deeply wanted and prayed for. The
hardest blow was losing Jonah. I knew when the Dr.s office said we lost
the heartbeat, my dream was over. I had been fighting advanced maternal
age....there was no more time. The timer went off and my biological
clock called it quits...long before I safely delivered the one last
child I deeply desired. I had a rough few years and found multiple ways
to heal. But always feel a twinge when I see a mother nursing a child, a
healthy round belly growing on a young mother, or walking by the baby
isle and smelling sweet baby powder. I left it open to mother nature
after that...but no baby.....now I am closer to being a
grandmother...but nowhere near ready for that new adventure. Actually
one thing that is amazing is the strength I have gained and the empathy
for mothers who suffer loss. That's why every October I honor with
women everywhere those precious, short lives. And if my daughter ever
needs me if she finds herself in my shoes, she will know...I really do
know how to comfort her. So how am I now? Getting stronger...and that is
what counts.
